Don't Be Hatin'... I Am.

So, did you notice I changed my play list... again? This one has songs that were played either at our wedding or our reception, or else just songs that really have a lot to do with us. It's fun... feel free to use it as your background music while cleaning or something... ahem... MOM.

I was denied getting social security disability income. Jeff was pretty upset. I think I was just ready to shrug my shoulders and move on. Here are my thoughts... would adoption agencies see my being on disability as a red flag? I mean, would they not want a family that is on government assistance? And would they not want a mom to not be able to hold a full time job? Because, you know, being a mom is like working 3 full time jobs. I thought maybe being denied was a blessing in disguise. But Jeffrey would rather appeal. So he's hired a lawyer, and we'll be working toward that this week. I don't know- what do you think? Will they really care if I'm getting social security disability? Any advice is welcome.

I hate money. I hate how much it consumes people. And I hate how the world revolves around it. (Not to mention- I hate that some people can have babies and raise them with aid from the state... not paying a cent... and others- like us- have to pay a fortune just to get a baby from somebody else. UGH!) But I do hate money... I remember my freshman year of high school I was in World History, and Mr. Wallace was talking about communism. He gave an example that went something like this:
"So- Connie will work as a doctor, working long hard hours. Gina will work as a janitor, cleaning schools over night. Jim will work at a grocery store for about 6 hours a day. And Ralphie will work as a teacher, taking much work home with him to grade. Then Maxine will sit on her lazy butt all day and hardly lift her hand to change channels on TV. However, they all get the same amount of money... the same pay check. Because life is fair. It's happy. It's wonderful."
I honestly didn't see anything wrong with this! I was diving into my text book to find out where this communism stuff was happening, and wondering if I'd be able to move there. (No, I didn't want to be the Maxine... I just wanted life to be fair and happy.) That night, I got home and my dad was helping me with my homework. I mentioned the communism and asked him why we can't be communists. He didn't laugh at me, much to my surprise. He explained it a little better than my teacher had, and then told me to be glad we are not communists. However, sometimes I wish money was not such a huge part of our lives. Ew. It disgusts me. I hate it.
(PS: Molly and Mom- yes, those names were for you. Enjoy my humor.)

I've been crying a lot lately. Almost daily. I am tired of not feeling well. And what makes me more upset is that a lot of people don't even understand. I don't think that the doctors even understand because they don't see a lot of people like this. The fluid is gross and it moves around in there and I can feel it. Yuck. Is the low sodium diet helping? I can't tell... I'm not a Barbie, yet. I hate the headaches. I hate the hernia (hello? I look like I have a big balloon coming off of my belly button). I hate being tired. I hate feeling sick or achy. Ugh. On top of it, I hate that normal women my age are raising families and having babies. Not me. I'm raising fluid and nurturing a hernia. How cute. Ugh. I hate it.

Did you get the picture yet? Sorry for venting...