Sacred Influence... Chapter 2

1) Have you ever encountered "functional fixedness" in your own marriage? What did it look like? What didn't work as you tried to address it? Based on what Gary shared, what might be a more effective approach in the future?
Yes. We have experienced this "functional fixedness" (which really just means you're stuck in your ways... which usually are selfish, lazy, or unintentionally hurtful). I get like that, and so does Jeff. We've been good about trying not to be, and we've also let the other person know in right and in wrong ways. I used to nag a lot. It doesn't work. It makes him angrier. Now I just let things go. He usually feels badly for "failing" me if I don't mention it at all... instead of feeling like a loser because I'm rubbing it in that he just might be one. Ya know? Nah- we don't disrespect each other anymore. At least we try not to. :)

2) What do you think represents the greater danger to a marriage- a husband's momentary anger or a wife's perceived weakness? If you chose the latter, why do you think women often suppress their frustration instead of addressing it?
Can't they be equally dangerous? I mean- both men and woman can be at fault and at varying degrees, of course. But I don't know. I don't think I can answer this one in the way they wanted me to. I'm sorry!

3) What is the appropriate way for a woman who is committed to a biblical view of marriage- "til death do us part"- to stand up and say, "If this doesn't change, our relationship will be affected?"
She needs to NOT give in. She needs to be bold and stand her ground. Not being a jerk, not necessarily even talking about it. But maybe not giving him what he wants when he wants it, because she is not being treated how she deserves to be treated (and how God tells him to treat her!). Honestly, I've done this before. I feel so mean doing it. Sometimes it does work, and sometimes it makes me feel like a horrible person, or makes him feel worse. Sometimes I just give in! If it's time he wants from me- even if I don't feel like spending time with him because he's been slacking on paying special attention to meet my needs- I will still give it to him. It makes him love me and appreciate me more. I dunno. I kind of agree, but I kind of disagree with the "appropriate" way here.

4) Do you agree with Gary that "the most damaging thing you can do in an unhealthy relationship is nothing"? What keeps some women from acting boldly? What will help them act more courageously?
I suppose so. I mean- if something needs attention- you'd better pay attention to it! Ya know? Women don't want to act boldly because they think they have to be submissive as the weaker sex. And while we are placed under our husband's authority, we have differing gifts! He needs us for what we have to offer and we need him.

5) Have you ever "given up" on an issue in your marriage? In what way? What do you wish you would have done differently, in hindsight? How might this experience affect your future actions?
The only thing I recall is getting into various fights and shouting mean things at him like "I quit." or "Just leave me." or even "I hate you." What do I wish I would've done differently? How about not say those horrible things to the man that I love so so so very much and that God has graciously blessed me with! Yeah. In the future (and presently) I try to NOT say what my tongue so quickly wants to shout.
I don't think this is exactly what the question was asking, but it's how I related to it.

6) In what area of your marriage is it most difficult for you to be active and to show courage? How can women encourage each other to be less passive and more active in their marriages?
Trusting Jeff. I am really working on it, but there have been times that I didn't trust his financial plans, his driving, or his "life goals." How wrong of me to doubt him! I am very sorry that I do/did. And I'm practicing to be more active- backing him up and supporting him. After all, he IS my hero. Encouraging each other? I don't know- it really depends on the "issues" at hand. How can somebody encourage me with my doubt/trust issues? Pray!

7) List the top two areas of your marriage that need positive, God-honoring influencing. Begin praying for God to show you appropriate, active, love-affirming responses.
I think I'll have to think about this one. :)