Waiting, Praying, Thinking...

Yesterday I got a call from our adoption case worker. She sounds so nice, very sweet and compassionate. I set up our first home study meeting with her for next Monday- yes, less than a week away.

I had also communicated with the adoption coordinator there at ECFA, earlier yesterday. We had discussed the home study fee. I asked how it can be broken up into a few payments, and she explained some possibilities. I told her I'd talk to Jeffrey and we'd see what we can do.

Of course, later that day I cleaned out the baby's room and moved things around. Daddy came over to help Jeff move some furniture out of there. It was so weird to see that room almost completely empty.

My sister then brought over the crib and changing table that we'll be using. It was my mom's- that she used for the grand kids at her house. But she shared it with Jessica while she had two kiddos in cribs. But now they're sharing it with me. I feel very blessed, but sort of unworthy. It's not like I have a child waiting for me. The crib will just be there for "show" for now... so the agency knows that we have the stuff we need for the baby when they come look at the house. So I feel like I'm wasting it.

I must admit... it was exciting to put it together and to lay the bedding in there. (I couldn't figure out what I was doing with the bedding, so I just left it alone.)

After putting it together, I told Jeff of the payment options, and he almost had a heart attack. Oops. I told him it would be broken up into 3-6 months, but his heart attack didn't go away. He freaked out. I mean, silently, but still freaked.

He doesn't think we can do it (financially). At least, not right now. It's funny, because they base your "fee" on your taxes you filed this past year. Well, we filed taxes for two employed individuals. We only have one employed individual right now. So he's not sure how we will make it work.

I guess I understand his concern. I did explain to him, though, that God has never NOT provided for us. Jeffrey was without a job for 2 months our first year of marriage. We both have had our share of medical issues (and days/weeks/months away from work-unpaid). I haven't worked in almost a year. We went into our wedding day with hardly a penny to our names. We came home from our honeymoon with hardly anything... and we still made it! We trusted God with all that we had, and God never ceased to amaze us.

(Reminds me of an Alan Jackson I really like called "Livin' On Love." Check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKoNdZeKPMU)

So now we are waiting... praying... thinking...

Jeff wants to push things back. I told him that once we turned our paperwork in, we were agreeing to run with this. We have to do this the way they'd like us to. I can, however, ask if we can wait to do our first home study... wait a few more weeks or so.

See, we were hopeful that my social security disability would come through after the appeal... but now we're worried it might not. Jeff just wants to wait to see how things play out in that area. I have to yield to him. I have to trust my husband.

Please pray for us. Pray that God shows His will in this. And pray that we trust God with everything we have and everything we are. With or without social security benefits.