Fish

Growing up, we had some pet fish. They didn't make very good pets. They'd either die from culture (water) shock after getting to our house, or Molly would hug them and they'd be out of water too long, or our cat (Ramona) would go fishing and then lose the little fishies somewhere in the house... only to be found dead and dried up later in the week.

In high school, I got really sick after one of my surgeries. I remember waiting in the waiting room before an ultrasound on my belly, and my mom was trying to take my mind off of my aches and pains, so she told me to watch the fish that were in the waiting room. When I did, I had to run to the bathroom because I got nauseated. I cannot watch fish in a fish tank to this day because of that... it makes me feel like I'm gonna throw up.

I don't like looking at fish that I catch while I'm fishing.

I don't like looking at fish in bowls or tanks or on movie screens.

Frankly, I don't really much care for eating fish! It stinks. And if it looks anything like it does when it's caught, that's just gross.

One time Jeff and I were grocery shopping and I picked up a packaged item in the clearance freezer. I was turning it around to figure out what it was, when I realized it was a fish... with eyes! EW! I threw it back into the freezer. I shoved things aside and was about to pick up a different package when something startled me even more! The same type of fish had fallen out of it's packaging and was laying open in the freezer. I jumped back (probably about a foot!) and gasped. Jeff laughed, of course. And I was out of there quite quickly.



There was a fish tank up on my grandpa's floor of the nursing home he was in. I tried to avoid looking at it. Mom would always make comments about "Oh look at the fish!" She and Grandpa even named the fish one time... one was named "Howard" after my grandpa, and my grandpa named one "You" after my mom. (He couldn't remember her name, but wanted it to be named after her.) Mom showed me which one was Howard and which was "You." I slightly paid attention, but not long enough to really study the fish.

I remember during my grandpa's last week alive, that the Howard fish wasn't doin' too well. He'd kinda lay sideways in the tank and stay in one place. Every time we'd pass by Mom would say "Oh no! Howard's dead!" But I'd roll my eyes and tell her the fish was fine and not to look at it. Sure enough... we'd walk past a few minutes later and the fish would be in a different spot, maybe even a little perkier looking. But it kept happening... over and over.

The morning that Grandpa died, Mom and I returned to the nursing home to get his things and clean out his room. Out of habit, I glanced over at the fish tank to find that Howard was swimming around happily with the other fish. Funny how that happens, huh?

I guess fish aren't so bad after all...

I Feel the Earth Move...

There was an earthquake in Northern Illinois early this morning! And it woke me up! Jeff and I sat straight up, I grabbed onto him, and kept asking him "What is it? What's going on?" It started off as a huge BOOM and then it rumbled for about 5 seconds. When it finally stopped, he laid back down and said "Somebody on our street must be doing something stupid."

Well, that wasn't settling enough for me. I wondered if it was Jesus coming back... but then, I hadn't heard any trumpets. I wondered if a snow plow had hit the house or the building across the street... but then, I didn't hear any other kinds of noises afterward. I wondered if it was an earthquake... I was right.

Anti-Super Bowl

I don't like football. I admit. Really, I don't even know how the game is played. If Jeffrey tunes the radio to a game or if he logs onto sports sites online to listen to or watch a game, I usually just tune it out and go about my business.

But the super bowl? That's a big deal, right? I mean, EVERYBODY watches the super bowl game. I went with Jeffrey to his parents' house to watch the game last night. I was "voting" for the Colts because they have Payton Manning and because it seems that their management is run with sincere morals and ethics that Jeffrey likes (thus, I do too...lol). But really, I hated the whole thing. It was a good game probably, right? Pretty close scores for the most part. But I hated the commercials. And isn't THAT supposed to be the best part? (How much money is spent on those commercials!?! Shouldn't we just have skipped that whole thing and sent money to help Haiti? Our country is screwed up.)

I sat back and thought about it. We had a "Chili Bowl" at church yesterday afternoon to celebrate the event, took the evening off of evening church, the youth group hosted their own Super Bowl party... so really, it was a whole church event, right? Or at least, it was promoted by our church for all families to stay home and watch. So last night I thought about it... can you believe our church's youth watched those raunchy commercials? You know- the ones about beer, the one with the naked lady on the table and the lady opening her shirt, the ones with men in underwear... why? Why is that so important? And why does our church not have a problem with that?

I think I know why. I think our world is so trashy that our eyes tend to be blind or even accepting of the things that God would disapprove of. We think that as long as we aren't running around naked or in underwear... or as long as we aren't drinking all that beer, then we're safe, right? Wrong.

It's wrong. It's not funny. It's gross. And it's wrong.

I am super conservative, I've come to find out. But I'm proud of it. And beginning last night, I am now anti-super bowl.




I did talk to Jeffrey about my feelings and he totally agreed with me. I think he'll understand if in the future I'd rather not watch the games. And now you all understand why we don't have a TV! We do not need to fill our heads and hearts with all that garbage.

Whew! I'm done... I'll jump back down off my soap box now.

Smile...

There have been a few things in the past week (or so?) that have really made me laugh or made me smile. And while I'm still trying to get myself together since my grandpa's passing, I enjoy thinking about these things so I can do just that- smile!



In talking about Grandpa's military funeral, my niece (Eloise) wondered out loud:
"Are there going to be soldiers there? Maybe they'll have swords and poke us!"




My sister asked her oldest daughter (Laurel) to please go up to bed now, and when she did get up there, please tell her brothers that it is time to get in bed and stop goofing off. (They had been "tucked in" already, but were being silly and loud.) Laurel said she could do it, but ran into the toy room and back out with something behind her back. Her mom tried not to smile and asked what was behind Laurel's back. Laurel then revealed one of the boys' plastic swords. Her mom asked what it was for, Laurel admitted she wanted to scare the boys. Then her mom asked her to really think things through... would it really be beneficial to bring the sword upstairs when she was told to ask the boys to get back to bed? She helped Laurel sort out the problem and said "I'll leave it up to you, but I think you need you need to think about if before you go up there with it."

Laurel didn't hesitate and replied: "Okay! I thought about it!" And ran up the stairs with the sword.




I was helping "babysit" my nieces in Minnesota. My mom was also there helping. Olivia (3) asked to hold Abby (1) on her lap. My mom let her, and sat close by since Abby was a big girl now and Olivia is very petite. After while, Abby got down and then their baby sister, Gloria (2 months) started fussing. I rocked the car seat and searched for a binky.

"Sisi, can I hold Abby?" Olivia asked me.
"No, Sweetie. Let's just leave her in the car seat right now."
"Sisi. Can I hold Abby?" Olivia asked me again.
I wondered why she'd ask again after I already said no.
"No... we really should just leave her in the car seat for now. It's almost time to go home and she's all bundled up and buckled in."

Olivia jumped out of her chair and stuck her face in mine and said slowly and loudly:
"AAAAAAABBY!"

Of course- Olivia was referring to her 1 yr old sister and not her newborn sister. Oops. My mistake. (That's what happens when you have 7 nieces!)




Oh! My cousin showed up to my grandpa's funeral wearing cowboy boots and spurs. Yes, you read that correctly... and spurs.




When my mom, sister Jessica, and I were on our way home from Minnesota (after grandpa had passed away), we stopped for lunch at a Cracker Barrel. I have to let you know that Grandpa passed early early early in the morning on Saturday. We hadn't really even gone to bed, so it still felt like late Friday night. My aunt, cousin, and Grandma were all talking about plans and using "today" or "tomorrow" or "yesterday" and we were lost as to what day was what.

At Cracker Barrel, I asked the waitress what the daily special was for that day, since I couldn't find one in the menu for Saturday. She looked at the menu and said "Well, today is Tuesday, so....."

I interrupted her. "Today is Tuesday!?!" My whole week had flashed before me! Was I behind? Ahead? Whatever it was, I was so confused. My mom and sister both looked horrified and confused so the waitress ran in the back and then calmly came back out...

"Yes, today is Saturday. I'm sorry about that." Whew! We weren't crazy. But at least we would've had an excuse!





There are probably more... but I'd better end this for now and get ready for church. Hope you enjoyed a smile and/or a giggle!

Praying for TJ...

Please pray for my friend's baby, TJ. He is almost a year old and he's been such a sick baby all his life. My friend emailed me and is at the end of her rope with doctors and tests and her baby still not feeling well. Please pray for TJ. Pray also for my friend, Kerry, that God gives her complete strength.

When Will Life Go On?

I'm home. Life is trying to get back to normal.

Yesterday was a rough day... I lacked motivation and noticed that I would just space out and have to snap myself back to reality. I napped long and hard, but I was dreaming about Grandpa and about all the crazy things involving our family. Yuck. I went out for supper and games with some (not all) of my Bible study girls. It was a blast... but as the night winded down and I returned home, I wanted to isolate myself in a little bubble and then fall asleep.

Jeff has been such a trooper and such a wonderful support for me in this hard time. But I realize I'm neglecting him as my husband and as my friend. I hate it. I don't know how to make things feel normal again. He wants my attention... so he takes me out to eat. I stare out the window and can't talk about anything. He wants my attention so he rubs my back. I gratefully take the massage, but soon fall asleep. When will life be normal again?

I have to say... on the way to supper/game night last night, my friends Lauren and Rachel both listened to me talk about how I feel... they gave some insight and encouragement. That felt so good... somebody (not family) listening to me and letting me know I'm normal and it's okay to feel like this.

But still... when will life go on?

When You Need it Most...

I was denied social security disability last summer. We hired an attorney and appealed, but I was denied again right before Christmas. I was pretty upset about that. But one thing I will never forget is something my mom said to me:

"Just remember that when you do get that money, it will be at a time that you need it more than you do now."

I couldn't imagine needing it more than I did then. And really, it did seem like our finances only got tighter after Christmas. I felt scared and guilty because I wasn't working. But I trusted God. I knew that He would provide for me... for us. I knew that He would never leave us, that He'd always hold us up in hard times.




Mom and I were driving home from Minnesota on Saturday afternoon, after Grandpa had passed away. My sister followed in her car behind us. The three of us were emotional messes as well as very exhausted. Mom and I were talking when Jeff called my cell phone. He called to tell me that I got a letter in the mail from DHS (Department of Human Services). "Can I open it?" He asked. I hesitated and softly said "Okay. Go ahead." He started reading it to me...

I had gotten approved! We had my doctor write a letter to explain my health problems... and it worked! I was approved! We were so excited...

But you know what? Mom was right. I did get it right when I needed it most. Not so much financially did we need it more. But emotionally we needed happy news. And it sure was that. I don't believe people when they say God isn't real. I saw God working way too much this past weekend to deny Him.