When Will Life Go On?

I'm home. Life is trying to get back to normal.

Yesterday was a rough day... I lacked motivation and noticed that I would just space out and have to snap myself back to reality. I napped long and hard, but I was dreaming about Grandpa and about all the crazy things involving our family. Yuck. I went out for supper and games with some (not all) of my Bible study girls. It was a blast... but as the night winded down and I returned home, I wanted to isolate myself in a little bubble and then fall asleep.

Jeff has been such a trooper and such a wonderful support for me in this hard time. But I realize I'm neglecting him as my husband and as my friend. I hate it. I don't know how to make things feel normal again. He wants my attention... so he takes me out to eat. I stare out the window and can't talk about anything. He wants my attention so he rubs my back. I gratefully take the massage, but soon fall asleep. When will life be normal again?

I have to say... on the way to supper/game night last night, my friends Lauren and Rachel both listened to me talk about how I feel... they gave some insight and encouragement. That felt so good... somebody (not family) listening to me and letting me know I'm normal and it's okay to feel like this.

But still... when will life go on?