Exhausted

For those of you that do not already know this- my cardiologist wanted me to cut back to part time work (or no work at all) in the fall of 2008, when she realized that I was physically (and mentally and emotionally) exhausted each day right after noon.  She "blamed" it on my heart condition... and didn't feel like it was a threat as much as it was just a fact of life.  I quit my job December 2008 so I could take a nap each day.  (I quit for various other reasons too, but mostly for that reason.)

Now that I'm a housewife, stay at home mom (of cats), homemaker, etc, etc... I try to nap every day.  It doesn't always end up working in my favor for various reasons.  Sometimes I cram too much into one day- projects, errends, appointments, etc... Sometimes I'm gone most of the day and can't nap.  Whatever the excuse is, I'm tired of it.  (No pun intended.)  I am literally tired.  Of it.  It gets to be noon and my entire body slowly shuts down... I feel like I can't go a step further.  I can't do just one more chore.  I can't think just one more thought.  I.  Need.  A.  Nap.  Now.

Yet, I am hard on myself and I try to press on.  (After all- I have friends and family that have kids, larger houses, more work to do, they get up earlier than I do and probably stay up later than I do... and they don't even get a nap.)  Maybe I down a Pepsi really quick in hopes it will give me more energy.  Sometimes sugar helps.  Sometimes up beat music will do the trick.  Whatever it is, it usually holds me out until 5 or 6pm... that's when Jeff gets home and it's supper time.  I start to get crabby.  I start to snip at people (a-hem, Jeff).  I make it through supper, but don't have energy to clean up the dishes or do the dishes.  I want to colapse.  If only I had taken that nap...

Anyway; I'm praying that today is not one of those days.  It's almost 2pm and I've gone napless thus far.  I am about to take the cats to the vet and then I hope to get a nap afteward. 

Where does the time go?  Are there even enough hours in the day for this? 

Oh!  And let me clarify something-  I am NOT a 20 minute napper.  My head is spinning and my mind is racing full speed when I lay down.  It usually takes me almost 20 mintues to fall asleep.  Once asleep, I need at least an hour of rest... sometimes two... and sometimes three.  Yikes.

So I'm wondering to myself  "Do people feel like this?" or "Is it my heart condition that makes this so hard?"  or "How does she do it on such a small amount of sleep?"  Seriously, people.  Everybody I talk to during the day, whether a friend or family member- everybody tells me they're tired.  Tired like this?  Exhausted?  Not.  Even.  A.  Step.  More. ??????  And then do people think that me saying I'm tired is just saying "I could rest for a few minutes?"  Because it's not.

While I've been blogging about my exhaustion, I could have been taking a nap...